Tuesday, December 5, 2023

The Old Colts by Glendon Swarthout

 


They crossed the concrete platform. They slowed, stopped, put down their bags. Where in the name of God was Dodge City? Where was dear old Front Street with its flies and chuck-holes and dead cats and plank sidewalks, and hitching rails cribbed half through by the teeth of impoverished ponies, and jingling spurs and popping pistols and drunks laid out to dry? Where the loafers and landsharks lounging in the shade of the overhangs? Where the whiskey barrels filled with water in case of fire? Where the town well with its sign “The Carrying of Firearms Strictly Prohibited”?

The author of the tremendous The Shootist gives us another tale of aging and fading lawmen, but here we get the fiction in the guise of faction.

Swarthout re-imagines one last trip on the owl hoot trail with geriatric versions of Bat Masterson and Wyatt Earp.

We have some fine writing here and Mr. Swarthout knows his history, he knows these men but...it has none of the elegiac tone of The Shootist, rather it goes for a sort of tongue-in-cheek humor that is of a particular kind.

Case in point…

Halfway up, Bat first, Wyatt a close second for support, the one, the only Bat Masterson rips off a tremendous fart of fear in his friend’s face. “Damn you,” growls Wyatt. “I can’t help it! I’m scared!” “Keep going.”

The tale is filled with such low-bar high-jinks, that may have perhaps played well in a film adaptation with aging charmers such as James Garner or Paul Newman in the leads, but on the page, the charm is lacking, it simply is a bit jarring to see these Legends handled and treated as if they were grammar school delinquents.

It is well written but…I am judging Mr. Swarthout against his own best work, and that bar is mighty high.

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